Is an Ideal relationship possible?
As an
introverted individual, I enjoy spending time in my own company. My work
involves dealing with public 8 hours of my day. Hence the need to connect with
other human beings does not arise much. But the question is, sustainability?
One can follow such schedule for
few weeks together. After that I may feel the need to connect to another being
at a deeper level. This other being can be your parent, sibling, partner, or a
friend. Relationship with this being does not matter rather it is the connect
you feel with him or her. The comfort of sharing your life with this other
person. This is achieved through communication.
Recently I have watched this
movie "Her" which has won Oscar award for best original screenplay.
In this movie, the actor connected with his "Operating System" which
is based on artificial intelligence and has the ability to learn from daily
interactions with humans. It evolves each day. The actor starts
communicating with this operating system which calls herself Samantha. Within no time she becomes his best friend and they started talking for hours together. And it leads to a stage where he fell in
love with the OS. He was in blissful state during the period when he was able
to share his thoughts and life with this OS. It felt real and meaningful.
This idea hit me. I can draw
parallel to real life where one can be in constant touch with parents and a
couple of trusted friends with whom they share life events. They may not meet for
months or sometimes for years together but do not feel the need either. Felt a
connection and it is something which gave this existence a meaning.
But again, our real question
is, can someone live alone? Technically, one can. In today's technologically
advances society, dependencies are minimal for one's survival. One can very well
live on my own without needing the support of any other human. Physical wellbeing
is well taken care of. What about the emotional wellbeing. Well, spirituality gives humans a good perspective of living a detached life. That can also be
achieved to an extent.
But I personally felt that
having someone to share your life with, gives a sense of emotional wellbeing
which, in my opinion can be a better feeling.
Living a detached life:
Spiritual leaders have
guided us towards untimely wisdom that everything in this world is going to end
someday. Hence do not build bonds with anything or anyone. That way there is no
hurt and no pain. That is what Gautam Buddha talks about. This is one way to
live. But can one enjoy this kind of detached life? Will it not become a burden
after a point.
Life is much beyond the
survival mode. It is on opportunity given to us to live at our fullest.
Although we can argue about unsustainability of the community living because it
is going to end one day, and we will feel the pain of loss.
The other extreme could be to
live a life of complete detachment and never build a bond in the first place
because you know it will give pain in the end.
So, what is the right way? As
Gautam Buddha realized at the end, it is always the middle way. Nothing should
be taken in extreme. One can live in society and can have meaningful bonds and
at the same time be aware of the fact that it is all going to end someday.
Spiritual leaders such as
Ekhart Tolle talks about living in the present, Osho's "conscious
living" and Ashtavakra Geeta about the "realization of nirvana"
all points in the same direction of moderation and conscious living.
How-to live-in moderation
As Yoganand Paramhansa talks
about an Ideal relationship which is without an expectation. A life where you
trust your partner so much that even if he/she is unavailable you do not expect
anything. Just his present or existence is sufficient. One may not talk or
communicate but they can still be connected.
In
real life, is this “Ideal relationship” feasible or they exist? Ideally it can exist
given that both partners are on similar level of evolution. But that is again a
rarity. No two persons can ever be at same level at same point in time. Some
disparity will lead to friction because one partner may expect to be touch and
other wanted to be in blissful state without communication in his imagination. That
is what the Ideal relationship is all about. Not communicating and still
connected.
But that
is not possible because this will require a sacrifice or adjustment from the
other partner who wants to communicate. But technically it is an expectation,
hence the relationship is no more ideal, and expectations have crept in like
any other mundane relation. Then the question is where to draw the line. Is
this Ideal relationship actually possible?
Anything
which require two individuals, require some sort of adjustment. Two wheels on a
cart need to work in tandem to get the cart moving. That is the purpose of a
relationship or partnership. However, if one wants to live a life of no expectation
and non-attachment, then it is almost impossible to sustain a relationship with
another human without having some sort of expectation. If one starts thinking that
the need to communicate from one partner is an expectation, then it is like comparing
the need of oxygen to keep the fire burning. It is no expectation that is the
bare minimum necessity for the task to continue.
If one
feels that such communication needs are also expectations that the relationship
can still continue till one partner is ready to continue such adjustments and
suppress his need to talk/ share. Needless to say, this will fill him/her with
resentment towards the other partner as he will be the only one adjusting for
the sake of the relationship. Eventually, this arrangement is going to
collapse. So that is an Ideal relationship? Is it possible? Is it feasible? Can
two people be tother without any expectations?
Ideally
yes, put practically its difficult to have two individuals with identical
interests that can exactly match with one another. So there bound to be differences
and of course expectations. But finally, it is an individual to decide whether he
wants to live a 100% drama free detached life or live in a relationship with some
expectations.
One cannot
have an Ideal relationship with another human without some adjustments or devoid
of all expectations.
