Is an Ideal relationship possible?

Is an Ideal relationship possible?

As an introverted individual, I enjoy spending time in my own company. My work involves dealing with public 8 hours of my day. Hence the need to connect with other human beings does not arise much. But the question is, sustainability?

One can follow such schedule for few weeks together. After that I may feel the need to connect to another being at a deeper level. This other being can be your parent, sibling, partner, or a friend. Relationship with this being does not matter rather it is the connect you feel with him or her. The comfort of sharing your life with this other person. This is achieved through communication. 

Recently I have watched this movie "Her" which has won Oscar award for best original screenplay. In this movie, the actor connected with his "Operating System" which is based on artificial intelligence and has the ability to learn from daily interactions with humans. It evolves each day. The actor starts communicating with this operating system which calls herself Samantha. Within no time she becomes his best friend and they started talking for hours together. And it leads to a stage where he fell in love with the OS. He was in blissful state during the period when he was able to share his thoughts and life with this OS. It felt real and meaningful.

This idea hit me. I can draw parallel to real life where one can be in constant touch with  parents and a couple of trusted friends with whom they share life events. They may not meet for months or sometimes for years together but do not feel the need either. Felt a connection and it is something which gave this existence a meaning.

But again, our real question is, can someone live alone? Technically, one can. In today's technologically advances society, dependencies are minimal for one's survival. One can very well live on my own without needing the support of any other human. Physical wellbeing is well taken care of. What about the emotional wellbeing. Well, spirituality gives humans a good perspective of living a detached life. That can also be achieved to an extent.

But I personally felt that having someone to share your life with, gives a sense of emotional wellbeing which, in my opinion can be a better feeling. 

Living a detached life:

Spiritual leaders have guided us towards untimely wisdom that everything in this world is going to end someday. Hence do not build bonds with anything or anyone. That way there is no hurt and no pain. That is what Gautam Buddha talks about. This is one way to live. But can one enjoy this kind of detached life? Will it not become a burden after a point. 

Life is much beyond the survival mode. It is on opportunity given to us to live at our fullest. Although we can argue about unsustainability of the community living because it is going to end one day, and we will feel the pain of loss. 

The other extreme could be to live a life of complete detachment and never build a bond in the first place because you know it will give pain in the end. 

So, what is the right way? As Gautam Buddha realized at the end, it is always the middle way. Nothing should be taken in extreme. One can live in society and can have meaningful bonds and at the same time be aware of the fact that it is all going to end someday. 

Spiritual leaders such as Ekhart Tolle talks about living in the present, Osho's "conscious living" and Ashtavakra Geeta about the "realization of nirvana" all points in the same direction of moderation and conscious living.

How-to live-in moderation

As Yoganand Paramhansa talks about an Ideal relationship which is without an expectation. A life where you trust your partner so much that even if he/she is unavailable you do not expect anything. Just his present or existence is sufficient. One may not talk or communicate but they can still be connected.

In real life, is this “Ideal relationship” feasible or they exist? Ideally it can exist given that both partners are on similar level of evolution. But that is again a rarity. No two persons can ever be at same level at same point in time. Some disparity will lead to friction because one partner may expect to be touch and other wanted to be in blissful state without communication in his imagination. That is what the Ideal relationship is all about. Not communicating and still connected.

But that is not possible because this will require a sacrifice or adjustment from the other partner who wants to communicate. But technically it is an expectation, hence the relationship is no more ideal, and expectations have crept in like any other mundane relation. Then the question is where to draw the line. Is this Ideal relationship actually possible?

Anything which require two individuals, require some sort of adjustment. Two wheels on a cart need to work in tandem to get the cart moving. That is the purpose of a relationship or partnership. However, if one wants to live a life of no expectation and non-attachment, then it is almost impossible to sustain a relationship with another human without having some sort of expectation. If one starts thinking that the need to communicate from one partner is an expectation, then it is like comparing the need of oxygen to keep the fire burning. It is no expectation that is the bare minimum necessity for the task to continue.

If one feels that such communication needs are also expectations that the relationship can still continue till one partner is ready to continue such adjustments and suppress his need to talk/ share. Needless to say, this will fill him/her with resentment towards the other partner as he will be the only one adjusting for the sake of the relationship. Eventually, this arrangement is going to collapse. So that is an Ideal relationship? Is it possible? Is it feasible? Can two people be tother without any expectations?

Ideally yes, put practically its difficult to have two individuals with identical interests that can exactly match with one another. So there bound to be differences and of course expectations. But finally, it is an individual to decide whether he wants to live a 100% drama free detached life or live in a relationship with some expectations.

One cannot have an Ideal relationship with another human without some adjustments or devoid of all expectations.

 

 

This Christmas...

IF- Poem by Rudyard Kipling

If—

BY RUDYARD KIPLING

        

      

 

(‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies)

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Living in the Moment-WikiHow

How to Live in the Moment

Living in the moment is all about living like there's no tomorrow. To do this, you must realize beauty in every moment, and in everyday activities. It’s a conscious act that requires participation, not just observation, but the reward is a richer, fuller life. This is your life, now live!

EditSteps

1. 1
   Dance like nobody's watching. While you may or may not like dancing, no matter who's not watching, the idea embodied in those 4 words sums the entire experience of living in the moment.
2. 2
   Be optimistic.
   • If you care—if you even consider—who's looking, you're performing. Your goal is to dance well, to impress (or at least not disappoint) your audience. To live in the moment, to "dance like nobody's watching," you have to forget about performing for others and simply accept the moment for what it is.
3. 3
   Take notice of the world. No matter what you're doing, notice the moments that surround you. Maybe on your way to work or school, you go over a beautiful bridge, or you get a view of the sunrise behind the city buildings.
   • When you walk down the street, look at the way the light reflects off the buildings, the tree line, and the birds that manage to nest in random corners and cracks. The simple act of tilting your chin can give you a whole new perspective on the place you live.
   • Really look at a flower. Okay, so you know it’s pretty. What is pretty? What does it smell like, besides itself? How many petals does it have? Do the leaves spiral up the stem like a staircase or branch out on opposite sides every now and then? Are there any bugs going about their lives on this plant? Do you think they’re even aware of your existence?
   • Realizing that whether these things are great or small, you are part of that singular moment when all these things come together. When you realize you are a part of every moment that you've lived through, you'll be almost there. When you stop realizing it, and just live it, you will be all the way there.
4. 4
   Focus on whatever you're doing. Even if you're just walking, or wiping the counter, or shuffling cards—how does it feel? There's probably some kind of commentary spinning through your mind, and it probably has to do with something other than what you're doing. Let those thoughts go and focus on what is (not what was, or what could be). In Buddhism, this is referred to as mindfulness.
   • Just breathe. When the moment begins to escape you, as it will certainly try to do, breathe. Take a very deep breath, through your nose, as deep as you can. Listen to the air moving into your body, and feel your lungs swell. Breathe out slowly through your mouth, letting the air escape on its own.
   • Pay attention to your other senses—touch, sight, smell, sound, and taste. Pretend it's the very last time you'll ever experience whatever you're experiencing. Have you ever been so engrossed in something that it seemed like the rest of the world just disappeared? Living in the moment is about creating that state of mind at any time. Slow down, and try to savor the present.
   • Listen to the world. The birds, the sounds of one car passing, the conversations of distant strangers, the cracks and creaks of the building as it heats and cools, the planes overhead, the footsteps of passers-by. The moment is all around you.
5. 
   5
   Smile when you wake up. You can set the tone of appreciation and awareness for the next 24 hours by simply waking up and smiling.^[1] Don't wake up with a groan and a smash of your alarm clock. There's scientific proof that the expressions that you make with your face can actually influence how you feel.^[2] In particular, true happiness is most closely tied to a Duchenne smile which involves smiling with your eyes, as well as your mouth.^[3] 
   
   • Visualize all the good things that are going to happen to you today. Got a presentation to give? Imagine the laughs you’ll get for your jokes and the ovation you’ll receive at the end. Got a busy day of cleaning? Imagine how good it’ll feel to sit down with a delicious tea and admire your cozy living space when it’s all done.
6. 
   6
   Commit random, spontaneous acts of kindness. Whether it's donating 1 dollar to a fund at the pharmacy, picking up litter, or helping victims of natural disasters, keep alert in every moment of your day for some way in which you can make the world a better place. Even the smallest thing, like complimenting someone, can bring joy. It's the most spontaneous and unexpected acts of kindness that produce the greatest impact, and you can't be sensitive to those kinds of opportunities unless you're living in the moment. 
   
   • Have an old or sick neighbor who doesn’t get many visitors? Stop by with some cookies, a pot of coffee, or a jug of lemonade. If it’s someone who won’t let you leave once they’ve got your attention, dig in and enjoy their stories. People are a lot more interesting than you think.
7. 
   7
   Minimize activities that dull your awareness of the moment. What are you doing that tempts your mind to run away from the present? For most people, watching television puts you in a passive state of mind, and time slips right by. Daydreaming and getting lost in a good movie or book isn't bad, but it's not living in the moment because it places your concentration on something that isn't right here, right now; it's a form of escapism. Don't zone out; zone in. Do things that are active, and that encourage you to look around and engage the world in that moment. Gardening, playing a game, knitting, and playing an instrument are all activities that lend themselves to mindfulness. So get off the computer after reading this article! 
   
   • Choose at least one day a week to turn off your cell phone, your computer, your radio, your TV, and whatever other gadgets you use to distract yourself. Spend that day riding your bike to a café, gardening, having a friend over for tea, drawing something you see out the window, or exploring a new area of your town or city.
   • Narrow down your absolute favorite shows, write them into your schedule, and only turn on the TV at those times. Like to nod off to late-night television? Try herbal tea instead. Channel-surf when you’re bored? Get a hobby. Watch game-shows during dinner? Cook yourself something special and savor every bite of it.
8. 8
   Be thankful for what is. When you find yourself wishing for something you don't have, or wishing your life would be different, start your quest for your wish by being thankful for what is already in your life. This will bring you back to the present moment. Make a list of what you are thankful for right now, even if all you can think of is that you are alive and can breathe. You don't want to miss the gifts right in front of you, because you are always looking beyond what is in the present moment to what once was or what might be. If you are thankful for what is, you'll be happy to be in the moment – instead of dreaming about being happy someplace else.

EditTips

• Watch your breath, by noticing your breathing pattern your mind naturally quiets and pays more attention to the present moment.
• Think about how happy your good deed could make someone!
• Step outside of yourself and view yourself as if you are watching yourself on a movie screen. See how important this current scene (present moment) is to the character on screen.
• Never climb down the ladder of life.
• Don't be afraid to be your self and never let anyone change you cause you are perfect the way you are.
• Face your fears.
• Focus on your body language. It can bring you in the moment and increase your confidence.
• Participate in active conversation and engage in the subject matter with another human.
• Children don't worry about the future; they play and enjoy every moment for what it is. They haven't yet learned to think ahead, or mull over the past, so take the opportunity to learn from them.
• Always show kindness.
• Listen to music and enjoy it. Express yourself by dancing to it or singing along.
• Forgive. Many of us carry grudges with us that haunt us, and those grudges also prevent us from opening our hearts to others because we're scared of getting hurt again.

 

Edit 

Be good anyways...

Technology disconnects...!!!

Sometimes we ignore the most important people in our life but its about time to STOP and make them feel how important they are for us. 

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AhTNx0AnSU